A Sheepish Return

Well, here I sit waiting for the next big event in our family's life. The arrival of baby two. And I'm thinking that's as good an excuse as any to update this erratic online record of our little lives!

The story these days is all about waiting.  So far, in waiting, I have frozen, pickled, canned, and dried. I have sewed curtains and mended. I have walked, acupunctured, acupressured, homeopathed, stretched, and shimmeyed. I have spent more time on Facebook than I could have imagined possible. But still no baby.  I suspect the midwives are correct when they say I'm probably a 42 week uterous, so really I still have a week before I'm "late", but still...it's getting boring.

I know in a matter of days (maybe hours? she writes hopefully...) I will wish to be back in this calm before the storm, wondering how I could not have enjoyed it more, and so I try to appreciate and savour. But there's something about waiting for a new life, a new family member, a new person in the world that makes it hard to concentrate on vacuuming!

Ah well.  Perhaps I can find something distracting on YouTube...

New Kid In Town

Well, it's official.  I have a new company and a new blog!  Not quite yet a new website, but coming soon...  Check it out at: www.goldenthreadstories.ca

I'll still be writing here, probably with the same irregularity.  But for all things narrative, Golden Thread Story's is the place to be!

See you there...

Daddy's Day

Just wanted to say, belatedly, happy father's day to all the fathers, papas, pops, daddys, and dads who I saw out and about yesterday enjoying their children and being an important part of their lives.  You are making our future better.  Thank you.

And to the dads I personally celebrate on this day. I love you.

Life as we know it...

The "You Are Here Room" at Daddy Longlegs Art Hotel in Cape Town

Well, so much for that!  Here we are back again almost a week, with one entry to show for a month's worth of travel.  Sigh.

A couple of reasons, really.  First off, internet connections were few and far between, and often slow.  Not that South Africa doesn't have internet service...just different expectations.  The generation of family that we were staying with aren't particularly well connected and we noticed that most public wireless connections we found out and about weren't actually available to the public.  So, a shift in thinking for us.  And a lot less internet time.

The second reason for my blogging absence is that this was a very quiet trip.  We had a lot of great time with family, many interesting conversations, lots of time sitting with people just being part of their day.  We also did drive around a bit seeing scenery and animals, but not in a grand way.  Just quiet.  That too, was an adjustment for me.  So, all in all, many stories, of the kind that will weave themselves into conversations and thoughts as they come.

And now it's back to life, as we know it...

Time flies!

Already gone ten days and only my first entry! Partly the busy days, partly the unpredictable nature of this place, partly the irratic Internet access. Certainly not for lack of material to write about!

The first 9 hour flight was actually pretty good. Jaya is a great traveller, when he's not refusing to sleep. We spent our first day in Amsterdam with Henk, lounging in his gorgeous garden by the canal and wandering the winding streets of his historic neighborhood. It was pretty much perfect.

After a very short night (Jaya was up at 2, ready for daytime), another flight, this one almost 12 hours. But again, not too bad. Jaya was happy and entertaining. Of course, he refused to sleep again, resisting until about half an hour before we arrived, when we had to wake him. I think he got a total of six hours of sleep in 48. I can't believe that's even possible, but true, nonetheless...

So, needless to say, it took us a few days to get back on track. But you can't sleep all day, so we still managed to squeeze in a few wine tastings, a trip to Franschoek, a bit of Cape Town shopping, some tying up of loose work ends and lots of family visiting.

And in the last week - we've toured around Cape Point, visited Kirstenbosh gardens, hiked on Table Mountain, shopped, eaten amazing food, and visited lots with family. How's that for a summary?

So yes, we're having fun and seeing lots. But more than that, even walking down the familiar streets around Athe's house, the common theme is how present dad feels here. So amazing to watch Jaya charming everyone and see their reactions to him mirroring what I can so easily imagine would be dad's. The same expressions, the funny faces and playfulness with little ones that was his best stuff. It's nourishing, somehow, and somewhat unexpectedly.

Well, that's it for now. Photos to come.

The storm before the calm

Heading to South Africa in three days!  I had 30 things on my to-do list just for today.  There are still 10 on there, not including the ones I moved to tomorrow, 'cause they just weren't going to happen.  Bleh.

But three days from now, we will be on our way, with only limited ability to do anything more.  Somehow not as comforting as I hoped that thought would be.  But I still have three days.  And it's amazing what you can do in three days. 

Stay tuned for more on the adventures of us in Africa...coming soon to a blog near you...

Go Well, Kali Girl

1996-2011

We love you, Kali.  Go well.

Walking

Who knew?  Turns out this year is just not at all, even the tiniest bit, about me.  It is not about baking more bread and making more time for myself.  It is not, so far, a great year.  It's not even a good year.  It's been a shitty year, actually, so far. 

I'm not sure if I've quoted this before, but it bears repeating.  “Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” (Elizabeth Stone).  To this I would add, making the decision to love is momentous.  Anyone.  Anything.  Making the decision to love is making the decision to relinquish and accept.  And loss is the consequence.


This year, so far, I have lost a dear friend, a water heater, my husband's ability to move his jaw for the next six weeks, my dog's health, jaya's chickenpox-free status, the brake pads on our van, and quite a bit of water in the form of tears.  Also, probably, some of the pigment in my hair.  It's been a hell of a year, so far. 

And yet, so far, I am not lying on the floor in a catatonic state.  I feel loved and supported.  I feel blessed to have in my life all the people and things and circumstances that make the possibility of their loss so, well, inevitable. They are worth it.

Actually, I take it back.  This year is about me.  Of course it is.  I'm the one living it.  It's just not about me being in control.  I think, maybe, it's about letting my heart go walking.

There is Snow In My View

 

Well, thank you January, for kicking my self-satisfied ass.

The first couple weeks back to work were, in a word, yuck.  Super stressful, demoralizing, frustrating, hearthurting yuck.  It involved a bunch of decision making, some tears and hard words, some fence mending and apologizing, some pride swallowing, some long term thinking, and finally, the postponement of our trip to South Africa.  Because of a university policy I wasn't aware of, I had to choose between the trip as we had planned it and my extremely part-time job.  I chose to stay and am very much hoping that will prove a well-made decision.  And now we are going to South Africa in the winter to plant mango trees (for dad).  Sigh.

Also, I have realized that despite my plan that this would be year about bread and time for me, I have learned, in short order, that it is also going to be a year about difficult working relationships.  My work life is offering me up some significant challenges I haven't encountered before and since I have nothing else to do, I thought maybe I'd take them on.  Or maybe it's because I'm an idiot.  Either way, on we go.

As for the rest of my life, it's just fine.  Jaya continues to be awesome and two, which is hilarious most of the time, and occasionally not;  K- and I continue to work on our stuff which is mostly not hilarious, but occasionally amuses others; the house continues to loom unfinished and wanting; the mice continue to dance across the kitchen floor.  Literally.

But, thankfully, inspiration continues to appear most randomly.  Case in point, with thanks to Sarah: http://summerpierre.wordpress.com/2011/01/10/reflections-on-a-year-of-motherhood/

And that, my friends, is the view from here, and there.

About to Begin

 

Well, it has been a while!

I won't recap, except to say that Christmas was wonderful this year - calmer than most, surprisingly, given the toddler in the house - and filled with just the right balance of making, eating, sharing, giving, eating, receiving, visiting, and eating.  Yes, just the right balance.  Yum.

And now I'm starting to think of the new year about to begin.  I actually love this time of year, starting with the grand gesture to close a year that is Christmas and finishing up with a beginning.  At the risk of sounding culturally simplistic, I love that this whole part of the world celebrates together in our own homes and in our own little ways.

The start of a new year, for me, is a full embrace of the cliche of it all.  New beginnings, new ideas, new hopes.  I make resolutions, not because I think I should be better and January is the only time to make that happen, but because I like the setting of intention and the focusing of energy on some aspect of my life that I think I can enjoy even more.  Because let's face it, it's a bit ridiculous how much I get to enjoy my life.


So this year, my intention is to focus our home and family on less consumption and more production.  More bread will be made, more recycling of materials into new things we can use again, more creating.  Less buying.  This last one is really about me, not this family, since I'm the shopper, and it's a hard habit to break.  I don't expect this will be the last year I make this resolution.  But I do expect to have a good time trying.  And you know I won't do it if it's not fun, right?

My second intention is to make more time for myself.  I'm putting it in writing now - I plan to get away by myself for one overnight at least every couple of months this year!  A recent trip to Seattle with Emma made me realize how much I need this time.  I came back with so much more patience and energy.  I think this is the one thing that's hard for me about having embarked on this whole partner and family thing so quickly and fully.  (and really, it is just one thing, so I'm not actually complaining...!).  But for someone used to being on their own, suddenly being so entirely connected to the wellbeing of others can be kind of overwhelming.

So, more bread and time away.  What a good year it's going to be!