So, we're sleep training.
Phew, that's a loaded sentence. There is so much wrapped up in this, our first intentional parenting experience. Up until now, our parenting has had everything to do with responding to the moment - changing a dirty diaper, now; feeding a hungry baby, now; putting a hat on a cold head, now; taking a hat off a hot head, now...And so far, our approach to sleep has been pretty much the same. As in, the baby is not sleeping, so what do we do now? And as it turns out, that's not actually working.
Well, let me clarify working. We are not getting sleep, any of us. We are tired, all of us. We are cranky, all of us. We need things to change.
So, we've hired a sleep consultant, Dawn Whittaker, who has made us a sleep plan and sent us out to tame the wild beast (sleep, not Jaya, although, sometimes I wonder...)
Aside from the details of the plan - which I'll spare you - I have found the process a revealing and challenging one, both personally and socially (for lack of a better word). There is such a range of opinions on the matter, and since most people don't see it as a matter of opinion, it's tricky water to tread. On the one hand, we know one couple who went with the Ferber method...which meant they let their child cry in his crib for three hours the first night, two hours the second, one the third and then that was that. When they say "it worked", I wonder what their measure of success was. On the other hand, someone else we know still sleeps in the same room as her 12 year old son. How's that for a range?
And how do we decide where we want to be? How much is the crying "natural"? How much does it mean we're breaking our child's heart? Are we teaching him a necessary skill or is the lesson really that he can't trust us to meet his needs?
No one I know has the same experience with sleep as anyone else I know. And the stories keep changing, because that's what kids do. We are the only ones I know personally who have paid someone else to help them and that's hard in itself. In a way, I feel like I've failed. And in another way, it just makes sense to use the expertise of someone who's seen it all before.
And so, here we are, night six of a 21 day plan. We're sleeping separately and out of the room we all share until we've shaken the sleeping-squished-in-one-bed habit. I do nap times, and Kelsey bears the brunt of the nights until we've shaken the nursing-all-night habit. And the strain is starting to show for Papa. Fortunately, I'm getting more sleep than I have in about a year (six - only slightly broken - hours last night!), so I can be the calm one for a change. At least until nap time...
3 comments:
I wish you the best of luck Surya! Sometimes it's good to do something pro-active about a situation that has to resolve itself at some point: ) My friends Chris and Larisa hired a sleep consultant and it worked great for them. We did the half-assed ferber method, and that eventually worked too. I think it's a hard lessons for babies to learn (sleeping all night that is), when the alternative is a nice warm body and warm milk.
So, you must be decidedly farther along in the training since your post.... how is it all going? Oh, I remember those days, when my body would physically react to hearing them in the night - a combination of pain and nausea or something like that. When I was so desperate for them to Just Sleep. I hope you three are all sleeping better!
Thanks for your comments, you two! Sleep is going much better now - easy to bed, only waking occasionally and not nursing (still not sure why he wakes up, but I'm sure this will settle), then up at 6:30ish for a nurse. Sometimes I can convince him to sleep another hour - that early morning is harsh! The best part is that Kelsey is doing most of the nights (on the advice of our sleep lady), which feels absolutely luxurious to me. So, it's all good.
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