I'm not sure if I've quoted this before, but it bears repeating. “Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” (Elizabeth Stone). To this I would add, making the decision to love is momentous. Anyone. Anything. Making the decision to love is making the decision to relinquish and accept. And loss is the consequence.
This year, so far, I have lost a dear friend, a water heater, my husband's ability to move his jaw for the next six weeks, my dog's health, jaya's chickenpox-free status, the brake pads on our van, and quite a bit of water in the form of tears. Also, probably, some of the pigment in my hair. It's been a hell of a year, so far.
And yet, so far, I am not lying on the floor in a catatonic state. I feel loved and supported. I feel blessed to have in my life all the people and things and circumstances that make the possibility of their loss so, well, inevitable. They are worth it.
Actually, I take it back. This year is about me. Of course it is. I'm the one living it. It's just not about me being in control. I think, maybe, it's about letting my heart go walking.
